I thought…

Will I be okay after this? What will I do to forget him? Can we still be friends? Will my mom slap this “I told you so!” rant on my face? Will my friends show up in front of me and tell me that everything will be fine? Or will they run up to me and just give me an “It’s OK” hug without saying anything? Will I be able to listen to Kpop songs and the songs we used to listen together? Will I still be a fan of Song Seung Heon? Will I still watch Korean dramas? Will I continue learning Korean language?

These were the train of questions I undeniably asked myself before deciding to call it quits. You see, I was in that loving long distance relationship for about 3 years. So much time were well spent on each other, lovely memories were made, cried a river for each other, many trials were overcome, and sacrifices were done, and yet these were all bound to become just part of a memory now. In my almost 3 months of being a lone soul, I’ve got some things in mind which I thought would happen after our break up. Bit by bit, I’ve found the answers to the questions mentioned above.

I thought…

  • I would stop learning Korean but it’s the other way around. I’m now more eager to learn it the best way I can. I’m just finding some time when to start it again amidst my busy work. I can now read and write 한글 (Hangeul—Korean writing system), understand some daily conversations and speak with a little Korean accent better than before. Besides, I’m not giving up my dream either. Exploring Korea has always been a dream to me ever since the world began. I still believe that dreams do come true. ^_^
  • I couldn’t watch Korean dramas anymore. Afraid that I might burst into tears because of suddenly missing him. Yet, I was wrong. *_* I still find my eyes stuck to my lappy watching this drama Pretty Man (and will watch more dramas after this..haha ). Still get chills and tingles! 😀
  • I would hate all Korean artists but in fact I still adore Song Seung Heon. I even downloaded more of his mouth-watering photos..haha. I’m not a pervert, OKAY? I just admire how he takes good care of his manly face, his beautiful abs, his Machete like body and his charm. Oooh SSH oppa! You’re perfect for me! ^;^
  • I might delete all Korean songs I have. Mind you, I’ve found a new cutie boy group. Everyone…let me introduce my boys…B1A4! Wooohooo! I chanced upon a Facebook post one day referring to B1A4’s new song entitled Solo Day and it made my whole world spin around. ^___^ Funny thing is that, this song happens to be for singles out there telling their ex’s not to bother them anymore for they’re having a good time in their solo days. So I thought this song was composed for me. 😀
  • my so-called friends would be there to pick me up as I was totally down and yet, I found myself standing there alone somewhere in the dark corner. Was waiting and looking for them but I saw the faces of strangers instead. To my surprise, I saw myself being comforted by people whom I less expected to do such thing. So I came to ask myself once more. Were they truly my friends or just because I was in a relationship with a Korean? I mean, every time he would come to Cebu, I saw those friends’ shadows but when I needed them the most, even their breaths were so hard to hear. Honestly, this answer caused me to pain the most. This has made me realize that there are no such true friends on earth. Only friends that come and go. Anger has never come to me but disappointment instead. However, I thank those who I cared less but cheered me up with all sincerity. God will surely answer my prayers for you. ^_^
  • my mom would nag at me and tell me that she was right in the first place. Instead, she was the first one who understood me and told me that I made the right decision. What’s good about her is that she’s never mad at him. She knows that my ex has reasons too why he finally let it happen after so many attempts I did in the past.

And finally I thought I’m gonna die of a broken heart but hey! I’m still alive and actually writing at this very time! 😀 As Tupac raps..”life goes on..”

I’m OK but my heart is still in pain. I don’t know until when this pain demands me to feel it. Forget him? No! If I do, I might as well consign to oblivion that I was once the happiest woman on earth.


23 thoughts on “I thought…

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