After that breakup…

I don’t want to sound like someone who’s an expert of relationships and heartbreaks but I want to be that somebody who shares her experience and that others might learn from it. So here, I’d like to share what I did and didn’t do (perhaps still doing and not doing up to these days..hehe) after my breakup with a Korean guy in a loving long distance relationship for about 3 years.

YES….

  1. I did cry a river and it’s okay to breakdown once in a while. I let myself look pathetic in front of the mirror every night I went to bed. I even cried myself to sleep for many nights. I welcomed pain into my heart and dealt with it every day. (Which I’ve learned from the past when I lost my dad.) I accepted how painful it was to lose the person I loved with all my heart, the one I shared happy moments with, the guy I dreamt of, and the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. All of a sudden, I changed my mind and let him go. (Why? Kindly read Letting Go. ) I then believed that I would feel no pain anymore one day.
  2. I listened to sad songs especially the Korean ones. Sounds crazy but I’ve read it’s kind of therapeutic. At first, I couldn’t help myself but burst into tears when a tune started to play and all our good old days came flashing back to me. Felt like I was in a music video..haha.
  3. I made myself busy. Coincidentally, I started working for a new company few days after that breakup. So I looked up and thank HIM for that. I’ve been enjoying working there for 3 months now. Just so you know I’m an ESL teacher. I teach English to Japanese learners online. This is my 5th company I guess. Been in this ESL world for almost 4 years. I work from 3pm to 12am so I sleep more in the morning and have no enough time to do any dramas. This has been helping me to occupy my mind with other things and at least forget that my heart’s broken. Apart from that, I from time to time escaped from reality by reading good books and watching fine Korean dramas and American movies.
  4. I talked about him again and again. Thanks to my mom and younger sister for being my good listeners. I knew they were fed up listening to me but they were so understanding and patient dealing with my mood swings. I even talked about our love story to my new chosen colleagues. I should still be careful.
  5. Lastly, I blamed no one for what had happened. I just accepted the fact that we were just perhaps destined to fall in love with each other for that given time but not to be together for the rest of our lives.

NO…

  1. I didn’t get angry at him for letting it happen. It was my choice. I was the one who decided to end it. Instead I still cared about him but not to the extent of wanting him back. I had my limit. I wished him to be happy and find a Korean girl who will love him more than I did.
  2. I didn’t see anyone. I didn’t like to have anyone around me while I was still in deep sadness. After a few weeks of that breakup, there were a few who tried to ask me out but I didn’t bother. It would be so unfair if I did. It was a bad idea for me to go out for dinner with someone but in my mind would just be him.
  3. I didn’t drown myself to alcohol. Some people would do that thinking alcohol is the best solution to heartaches. Not to me! I couldn’t afford to look even more pathetic nor destroy my body over a loss.
  4. I didn’t stop living for myself and for the people who care for me. I just paused for a moment. Then slowly came back to life. I knew what I went through would pass me by. I even had my hair cut short to signify that I will be starting a new chapter of my life.
Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself.  ~Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985
Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself. ~Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

There you go! If were to rate the pain I was feeling before from 1 to 5, it would be 5. So before I was deeply hurt beyond words could say. And because of those things I did and didn’t do within those bad, lonely, blue days, I am now feeling better. Pain rate would be 2.5. 😀 To those who care and pray for me to move on..totally move on I should say, hold on ‘cause I’m getting there. I’d like to leave you guys a quote from someone I unfortunately can’t remember right now, it says “If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain.” I thought I wanted the rainbow that’s why I was dealing with that heavy rain. Safe to say that it’s dying down now. 🙂 I don’t want to impose that you should learn from me but I would be glad if I leave you saying this in mind “Aah!” after reading this. Do any of these ring a bell to you?  ^_^

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49 thoughts

  1. Hello. Unni!^^ I have read some of your blogs. And I kind of think we are in kinda same situation but there were some differences also.

    I think you have read all my blogs already. Hahahah. Well I just write to ease the pain.

    Can we be friends? If you have time, can we chat? I am seeking for advice.. I know it’s kinda parang f.c. agad… Hahah. 카카오 있어요 언니???^^ Add me if ever please. kakaotalkID: lausalicious

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    1. Annyeong! Thanks for reading my posts! Sure, I’d be glad to be your friend. Kakaotalk opseo~ But Line and Facebook isseo~^^

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  2. Being someone who has been in multiple LDRs and breakups, just want to let you know happiness is really out there. If it’s meant to be it will come back… Otherwise something more right will come along!

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  3. No use trying to understand what the heart feels using the head. The two are not meant to meet. Better to cry than feel lost. Time heals wounds. Seek the good and you will find it.
    thank you for stopping by

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  4. sometimes its very hard to move on, but once u move on, youll realize it was the best decision youve ever made. GO GO GO che. 🙂

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  5. Hi She…very touching…
    It’s almost been a month that I haven’t written. I just don’t know what happened to me…but thank you for this, you’re such a good handler when it comes to your emotions. I hope I can too…

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  6. Sheryl, you chose to handle the break up really well–allowing yourself to grieve and cry, talking about it, not blaming anyone, and not burning the bridges. You are one mature, wonderful woman and he knows that. Life has a way of surprising us and who knows, one day, your paths will cross in that way again. Whether it’s him or someone else, you are a real prize of a partner. You may have lost him but you’re a winner because you have learned much about relationships and another culture, and have kept your sense of self with this blog and your work teaching ESL. Best of all, you have not turned cynical. The experience of loving and being loved is fulfilling despite the pain. Tennyson says it best. “Tis better to have loved and lost. Than never to have loved at all.” Thanks for appreciating my article on Mother Tongue.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s hard to move on after a break up. But the most important thing I have learned from my past experiences is that you have to respect your own time. And I think you are doing great. Love the hair, by the way! 🙂

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      1. No need to thank me, sweetie. I am fine, for the most part. I live away from my family and miss them so much. I’m looking forward to be able to see them very soon.
        Have a nice day! 🙂

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  8. You are strong enough to overcome your pain and sadness, I know you are..
    Make it a part of your memories, but don’t let it ruin your present, I know it was probably one of the best things that have ever happened to you, but you should learn to forget the pain, and move on ❤

    Liked by 1 person

              1. My apologies for replying late, SheryL. Took some time off from the internet for some days. 🙂 To answer your question – I remember keeping myself busy. Work was busy…though it was difficult to concentrate sometimes. Off work, I’d try to do something productive or new as that made me focus somewhere else and also made me feel better. As cliched as it may sound, I had just joined a dance class around that time. So that too helped. Hope you are feeling a lot better.

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