Funny how this feature “On This Day” on Facebook reminds me of the things, I mean dramas I posted years ago. I can’t deny that reading those make me cringe to some extent this time. Fortunately, wiping them off of the cloud is just a tap away. Right, deleted, but people already saw them. I’d been judged probably. Who cares? It’s all in the past now. Why on earth did I do such childish (at least for me) thing? Along with time and self-reflection, I’ve figured out the crystal clear reasons why I posted almost every detail of my previous relationship (read here).
But wait, let me be exact about the sort of things I shared. Overshared, much better.
- Almost every picture of us together with mushy captions
- Our dates with love quotes
- Our plans (trips)
- His gifts for me
- Screenshots of our “sweet” (Ew! LOL) conversations
- My selfies and him being tagged with love quotes
- My love writings on his Facebook wall
- Our “I love You” messages
- Sugar-coated monthsary/anniversary/birthday messages
And the list goes on or let me just put it this way, our story was an open book. However, I’ve realized that it was something that wasn’t needed by everyone to see.
- To begin with, I was sadly insecure. Not about my appearance, but about the status of our relationship. Back then, I thought telling people about every page of our story would keep us together until the end. It would be embarrassing to end what we had started knowing that a lot of people saw how happy we were together and how in love we were. This was the notion that kept ringing in my head. I thought both of us would never ever think about letting each other go for that shallow reason. I wanted people to know how solid our relationship was when in the end it wasn’t the slightest.
- Well, I was driven by this unconscious desire to show off and prove that I was loved by someone from another country. Our love story was a very special thing that not everyone could afford to have. That’s what I thought. I wanted that special attention. And for a person with a young mind, it was satisfying to get a hundred likes on Facebook. It certainly meant the whole world to me when I saw a lot of people liked my posts. It gave me this sense of validation of what I was trying to prove.
- I wanted to tell people everything about us simply because I thought it was a cool thing to do. I made a naive assumption that because I had a Korean boyfriend it must be good for people to know what it was like to be in an international relationship. So I made Facebook a theatre showing our romantic drama for everyone to watch.
The realization has dawned on me now that I’m married to someone who appeared after the storm. I’ve realized that there are always reasons behind a person’s actions. They’re just blissfully unaware. It’s not something to be mad with, rather a thing to be understood. Let them be. Someday, somehow they’ll figure it out.